I thought I would write about quite a deep, sensitive and emotional subject for this week’s blog post. I wanted to talk about something that I myself, have been through and can very much relate too and I hope that you can too. I wanted to talk about heartbreak and relate that to the importance of self-worth and believing in ourselves, even after a relationship breakdown.
When looking back at relationships, it’s easy to feel as though you regret being with that certain person, especially if the relationship ended in a toxic way. It’s hard to feel as though you could ever forgive that person for breaking your heart and hurting you. But I realised a lot of things each time I felt hurt and let down in another relationship, things that I will explain as this blog post goes on.
Feeling heartbroken brings about so many different feelings and emotions. You can feel lost and feel a sense of grief that you’re unable to be with that person anymore. Personally, I sometimes find it difficult to deal with change. I like having the same routine and this is the same for my relationships. I love having the same person there every day to be with, so for me, when that suddenly changes and they aren’t there anymore for whatever the reason may be, I completely struggle to deal with it. Once you have relied on someone for a certain amount of time, you truly believe that that person won’t be going anywhere and when they do, you feel lost and heartbroken.
Even if you are the person in the relationship that hasn’t done wrong, or even if the break up was mutual, you’re still left asking yourself questions; ‘Why wasn’t I good enough?’ ‘What am I going to do now?’ ‘Why didn’t they want me?’ ‘Will I ever find anyone else?’
There have been countless times for me, where a relationship has ended and I have felt totally worthless. The thoughts going around in my head are mad, and each knock back after knock back has made me feel as though I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Getting over heartbreak is a process, and one that takes time. It’s just like when you’re grieving – grieving and heartbreak come under exactly the same bracket. There’s absolutely no time limit for heartbreak. There is no rule book to tell you how long it should take to get over someone. You need to give yourself time; time to heal, time to get over that person, time to feel emotions again, and time to love yourself.
The initial human reaction after a break up is to start feeling bitter towards that person. You feel as though you hate them, and you use this hatred in order to tell yourself how much you need to get over them. You force yourself to think of all the times they may have upset you and all the hurtful words they may have said to you and this ultimately makes the bitterness worse. I’ve done it myself, I intensify my ‘hatred’ for that person in order to tell myself how awful they are so that I can try to move on. For a long time, I’ve felt like this was the only way to be able to move on.
But I’ve been so, so wrong.
It’s the most freeing feeling to just move on from something and feel genuinely happy. I realised that in order to move on from feeling heartbroken and hurt; you MUST LET GO. You cannot hold onto the hate and hurt and use that in an attempt to move on, it doesn’t work.
It’s important to look at relationships from a different angle. Be thankful for the memories that the relationship gave you without feeling bitter. You enjoyed the time you spent with that person and the way they made you feel for a while, and they became a chapter in your life. Just because that chapter may have ended, doesn’t mean your life is over. I know how worthlessness feels, but I also know how important it is to shake the feeling of it off, and how important it is to continue with your life without that person, focusing on yourself and only yourself.
I found that I was too busy relying on other people, and I was focusing too much on my relationships to make me happy. I was desperate to find someone who could give me the love that I deserve, and who could give me the love that I was able to give to them. Unfortunately, I haven’t found that person yet. But that’s perfectly okay.
I’ve been hurt, but I can use these past relationships to help me find the right one. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, I’ve learnt how strong I am, and that I really don’t give myself enough credit!
I really want to stress how much you cannot let someone else make you feel as though you aren’t good enough. Stop asking yourself the questions I mentioned earlier, because you are enough and you always will be for someone. If a person makes it clear they do not want you – move on and better yourself. There’s no time to be wasted.
I know these words are easy to read but very difficult to do when you’re actually in the situation of a break up. But it’s taken me to feel heartbroken a couple of times to realise that I am worth more than the way I have been treated in the past, and now I know this, I won’t settle for anything less than someone who adores me, and neither should you!
I want you to take away from this post that things will always get better. I want you to learn to appreciate your past relationships, and even though they may not have worked out, they have taught you something. Let go of any bitterness, there’s more to life than feeling anger towards someone. You are worth everything and more, and one day you will find the right person who emphasises your worth every single day.
I truly hope you all find the person you’re looking for and have long, happy and successful relationships.